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Joshua Redman - St. Thomas (where it all began) |
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to anyone who would ever read this, hello. I know I don't update this often as I see it to be a waste of time, but others I know are fascinated with the idea of reading other's thoughts so I suppose I should update this now that I have many issues to deal with. That is if anyone is weird enough to read MY lj. It's weird talking like this in a public forum, but unfortunately it's a last resort.
things have been less than ideal lately. The normalities that I loved to surround my life in have turned to a bitter game, and for once I can truly say that I did not initiate this epic battle that I seem to find myself in, day in and day out. It's saddening to know that someone I once considered a brother has abruptly, and outrightly expressed hatred toward me, and to and about everyone around me. I'm sure most of you know who this is, and honestly it's just become too much for me. It's gotten to a point where I believe it's time to step aside, either for our existing band or something he will create in the future. Apparently I pose some sort of threat to him, be it meanness, lifestyle or jealousy. Although there isn't much to be jealous for over me, so I cannot understand where it comes from. I hadn't spoken to him in several weeks and through the very deep grapevine he's made throughout one year, I heard he has said that he hated me. Just thinking it was a joke I confronted him nicely about it but unfortunately for days could not extract a response. Finally I was able to ask him where this so called hatred was coming from and he couldn't give me an honest answer other than he hated me, and that he thinks poorly of me as my skills aren't proficient enough for him in 'talent, skill, lifestyle' and apparently I haven't been true to him. Which I admit. I wouldn't mind in the past because previously I will admit there were times in which i had not been true to him so I understood his madness but this time it is sincerely for no reason. And now all I hear is "i dont want to see your face", "I will not practice with that kid".
I guess I'm not good enough for him, I guess I'm like the rest of the lot, lower than his status he puts himself on.
I would'nt be writing this if there was any other way, but I cannot communicate with someone who ignores me, hates me, and backstabs me at every possible chance. Who would've thought you'd bring the end. And i know you don't care that's why you'll never read this, but if you do I want you to know that this STILL is not an attack like you've been doing to me so much lately, it's a fat question mark.
I've given up
you are that ridiculous, and it's gotten out of hand
with love,
william
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willysmilescb's journal
apathetic